I’ve developed a bunch of openers that are highly effective and useful in learning how to talk to Asian babes. One thing to keep in mind: the first thing you say to a girl is not of huge importance. The purpose of an Opener is simply to catch her attention and give you the chance to start talking to her. What’s more important is what you say next. We call this the Transition—the topic you move the conversation onto, after you open her.
Think in terms of Opener + Transition. This is the key to engaging women in good conversations. The two don’t need to be related at all. For example, I can Open a girl by asking her a question about her cell phone—but as soon as she answers, I can Transition onto another topic that is going to get her to share information about herself. (I don’t want to stand there for ten minutes making small-talk about her phone; I want to get to know her!)
You should never need to rely on cliché, obvious openers like “Do you have the time?” or “Hi, how are you?”
Also, never ask women permission to talk to them. Don’t say things like, “Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you something?” Or, “Pardon me, can I talk to you for a minute?”
This will only cause a woman to go into “defensive” mode; her brain will come up with reasons not to engage in an interaction with you. It’s a built-in defense mechanism.
You’re some random guy and your intentions are unclear. She’s thinking, if she does allow you to talk to her, what’s going to happen next? Are you going to hit on her? Are you going to try to trap her in some boring conversation that she’ll need to escape from? Are you going to try to sell her something? What’s the deal here?
The point is, you never want to give her the opportunity to “disqualify” you and blow you off. Jump right in with an effective Opener and follow with an effective Transition, and you’ll both be smiling and talking to each other without ever giving her “defense mechanisms” a chance to kick in.
Just use common sense with these Openers. Obviously, any of the Japanese women briskly walking down a crowded street in Tokyo is not going to want to stop and give you language lessons. And, keep in mind that Asian women in public places are self-conscious about other people watching them.
You should try to approach them in isolated areas where there aren’t a lot of other people around. For example, if you’re at an Asian supermarket or at a bookstore, approach the girl when she is browsing by herself. Don’t try to approach when she’s in the check-out line.
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A NOTE ON BODY LANGUAGE: Your body language is as important as what you say. Show “open” body language: stand tall, keep your chin up, and look relaxed. Get your hands out of your pockets! If you look awkward and uncomfortable, you’ll make her feel the same way.
Also take note of her body language. When you deliver your opener, does she look startled or worried? If so, then this probably isn’t going to work out. She might have a boyfriend (or husband) and is nervous about being seen in public talking to you. Or, she might be extremely shy and simply isn’t going to engage in a conversation with a random guy. If she’s showing closed-off body language and looks like she wants to be on her way, don’t push it. Smile, let her go on her way, and move on to your next prospect.
Now, let’s talk about some effective Openers and how to use them.
Opener #1: Language Lessons
I’ve found that a great way to start conversations with Asian women is to tell them that you’re trying to learn their language, and ask for their help. Open the conversation by using a phrase in their language that you’ve memorized. Then, when she expresses interest in the fact that you seem to know her language, you can smile and laugh (acting a little bit shy and apologetic) and explain to her that you’re just starting to learn, and you actually could use some help “real quick.” (Make it seem like you don’t have much time, but just need a quick bit of assistance.)
For this reason, you should always carry with you a small pad of paper containing your “language notes,” and a pen. Or, you can keep this information programmed into your phone. (I carry an iPhone and have my phrases programmed into my “Notes” application, which is perfect for this.)
Show her your notes and what you’ve been learning. Then, ask her to give you a translation for a phrase you want to know. This technique is also cool because she’s going to move in close to you, so that she can help you with your notes. This closes the physical gap.
When you’re in an Asian country, even if you don’t need to speak the local language in order to communicate with the women (which is the case in the Philippines, where everyone speaks at least some English), asking for some quick “language lessons” is an amazing way to meet women. Also, as a rule, you should always work on building your skills in the language of the Asian women you want to meet. It shows that you respect and appreciate their culture.
Opener #2: Flattery Will Get Your Everywhere
One of the many things I love about Asian women is that they are easily flattered by compliments. While I would not advise you to ever say these things to Western women, with Asian women it’s perfectly okay for you to open with a flirtatious compliment such as, “you’re so cute” or “you’re very pretty.” You should deliver this line in her language unless you’re talking to a girl in the Philippines, since a Filipina will always understand your English.
It’s incredible how effective these Openers can be with Asian women. As long as you’re smiling and seem harmless and friendly, you will rarely get blown off using one of these lines. She may giggle or blush—or if she’s a Filipina, she might downplay it by saying “Oh, no, I’m not”…or “bola-bola” (which means she’s saying playfully, “you’re a liar”)…but in most cases, she’ll be touched by your compliment and you can now Transition into a conversation.
Sounds easy? It is!
Opener #3: “I Saw You Somewhere”
Look at her, make eye contact, rub your chin, and act like you’re trying to figure out who she is…as if you’ve met her before, but you can’t recall where. Then say, “I know you from somewhere…”
She’ll then look at you and try to figure out who you are, and how she’s supposed to know you. Then you can just make up a location where you supposedly saw her before.
For example, I’m in the Philippines, I might say “Were you in Boracay last week?” (The popular beach resort island.) Or, “You were at the Skybar nightclub last night, right? Wearing a sexy red dress?”
Just make something up. As a fail-safe, you can say a location that she probably was in. (Say that you saw her recently at the biggest shopping mall in the city.)
If she says no, you must be mistaken, she wasn’t there, then you say “Well, you must have a twin sister. There was this very beautiful girl there, and she looked just like you.” Now, you’ve flattered her.
With Pinay girls, I know that I can be a huge flirt—and they love it. So instead of using the “twin sister” line, I might say “Hmmm, I guess I saw you in my dream last night.” (Absolutely corny—but it works!)
Again, this is simply an Opener that you will use to bridge into a Transition. I’ll explain more about Transitions in a moment.
Opener #4: Facebook Friends
“Hey, I saw you on Facebook, I think we have a friend in common.” This one is a gem because virtually every Asian woman on the planet has a Facebook account, and it’s entirely plausible that you do have a mutual friend. Don’t spend time talking to her about which Facebook friends you might possibly have in common. You’ve already Opened her; now transition to something else.
Opener #5: Phone Flirting
If she’s using her cell phone, wait until she finishes her call or her text and then use this Opener: “Excuse me, what kind of phone is that? I need to buy a phone for a friend of mine, as a birthday gift, and I think that’s the one she wants.”
She’ll tell you the model of her phone, and then say, “Can I take a picture with it real quick? I’d like to see how good the camera is.” Have her show you how to take a picture…then use her phone to take a picture of her.
Be playful—don’t just snap a picture of her, have her do a “model” pose. Once you take the picture, she’s naturally going to come in close to you so that she can see the result. (That’s a funny thing about Asian girls; they’re crazy about taking pictures, especially of themselves, and they can’t resist immediately checking how the photo came out.)
Now you can show her your phone. If it’s way less fancy than hers, you can make a joke about it and say you need to upgrade—and ask for her advice. Or if you’re carrying a nice phone, that’s much better since it shows that you’re tech-savvy and you’re into the latest cool devices. Now it’s also going to be super-easy for you to exchange phone numbers with her, since your phones are both already out and in hand.
Opener #6: The Birthday Gift
Notice an interesting detail of her appearance—such as her handbag, necklace, earrings, dress, etc. Then say to her, “Excuse me, I really like that (fill in the blank). I need to buy a birthday gift for a friend of mine and I think she’d love something like that…where’s a good place for me to go shopping?”
This opener is effective because you’re bringing up a topic that women naturally enjoy talking about. What girl doesn’t like chatting about good places to shop? Plus, by mentioning that you need to buy a birthday gift for a friend, you’re implying that you’re thoughtful and generous—exactly the kind of boyfriend that Asian girls are looking for.