More Tips on How to Approach and Open a Conversation with Asian Women

If you find yourself struggling to identify “interesting details” about women that you can use to comment on, here’s a helpful exercise. Sit outside a café or coffee shop in an area where there are a lot of pedestrians. Order a drink or some food and spend 30 minutes watching the women who walk by. Try to notice an interesting detail about every one of them. When you “train” your eye to notice these details, it becomes easy to do. Every woman has something about her that you can use to comment on and open a conversation.

It doesn’t need to be an article of clothing or an accessory; I’ve opened conversations by commenting on a woman’s smile, her laptop, her dog, the book she’s reading, or even her “positive energy” if she has a sunny disposition.

Transitions

The Opener is your gateway into the conversation. Once you’ve successfully opened her, you don’t need to stay on that topic (her handbag, her cell phone, learning some phrases in her language, etc.) You can switch to something else.

With an Asian woman you’ve just met, the purpose of the first conversation is to get some basic information about her and communicate that you’re a friendly, respectful single guy who has his life together and has a fun, active lifestyle.

By communicating this information about yourself, you will eliminate questions and concerns from her mind. This way, when you contact her in the future to make plans with her, she won’t be wondering “what if this guy is married?” Or, “Is he the type of guy I might want to date, or is he some weird homeless dude who walks around trying to meet women all day?” (I know, she probably won’t think you’re homeless, but my point is this: by communicating some of your positive qualities to her, she won’t have to wonder about them).

Notice the qualities that I just mentioned. You should communicate that you:

#1 Are friendly
#2 Respectful
#3 Single
#4 Have your life together
#5 Lead a fun, active lifestyle

And, I’ll add one more thing if you are meeting women while in an Asian country: you’ll want to let her know the purpose of your visit (holiday? Business?) and how long you are staying. When you’re a foreigner in an Asian country, the girls will always want to know why you are there.

The idea is to casually mention the above qualities during the conversation. Think of it as “planting seeds” in her mind.

The best way to plant seeds is to ask her questions about herself, so that you can then give your own answer. Ask her about her job, and then you can mention your own. As her if she lives in the area, and then tell her where you live—and this is your chance to casually mention that you live alone in your apartment, or that you own a house, etc.

Note: Don’t ask women to tell you specifically where they live. Just find out the area. Trying to find out the exact street she lives on might cause her to feel concerned (for all she knows at this point, you might be a stalker).

As for communicating your “fun, active lifestyle,” mention an interesting place you are planning to go tomorrow, or next weekend, and ask if she’s ever been there. This could be a mountain biking trail, a tourist attraction, a festival, famous shopping district, etc. Tie it into one of your hobbies or interests. Mention that you love to get out and explore new places. Tourist attractions are great to ask about if you’re in a foreign country, and it shows that you appreciate her culture. (In the Philippines and Thailand, a lot of the foreigners are there to party and get laid; you want to give the women you meet a different impression.)

Conversational Example:

I approach a cute Japanese woman and make a comment about her cool cell phone, and ask about the model, features, etc. She gives me a little demonstration and I use this to transition to the topic of jobs: “Wow, you must work at a cell phone store. You know so much about phones.” She giggles and tells me no, she doesn’t work at a cell phone store, so then I ask her what her job really is and she tells me she’s a school teacher.

I compliment her on that, and then I mention my own job. I tell her that I own an internet business. (Hey, even if you simply have your own blog or website, that qualifies as “owning an internet business” in my opinion. It’s all in how you phrase things!)

Then I ask her if she lives nearby; she says no, she lives on the other side of town. “Oh, ok,” I reply. “I live about ten minutes from there, I just moved into a very nice new apartment…the only problem is that I’m single and I could really use a woman’s opinion on how to decorate the place.” (Or, “I’m thinking about buying a house in that area. Do you think it’s a nice place to live?”)

(If you currently rent a place, mentioning that you’re interested in buying a place will make her ears perk up. And, bringing a girl with you to look at houses is a terrific first date idea.)

See, the best way to convey something positive about yourself is to ask her a question that guides the conversation onto that topic. Keep the conversation moving forward, asking questions and using creative ways to transition to different topics, until you’ve planted the necessary seeds.

With Western girls, I don’t talk about jobs during the first conversation because it’s a “serious” topic and I’d rather focus on being playful and fun. But with Asian women, you want her to know that you are gainfully employed. This doesn’t mean you need to impress them with some fancy-sounding job title, and it isn’t about them being “money hungry.” It’s because their culture places a lot of value on hard work and being the type of man who can provide for a family someday.

If you aren’t employed, you live with your parents, etc., you can still succeed with Asian girls. But it’s going to be more difficult. The way to get around this is to mention your ambitions and plans. Don’t say that you’re trying to find a job; say that you’re weighing some different opportunities right now. Don’t just say that you live with your parents; say that you’re saving money right now by sharing a house with your family, because you are aiming to buy your own house soon. Phrase your negatives to sound like positives.

Positivity is key.

During this first conversation, everything you mention about yourself should sound positive. Don’t mention that you don’t like your job. Don’t say that you’re feeling under the weather, or that you’re tired—this indicates poor health, which is unattractive. (When choosing a mate, women are programmed to want the healthiest possible male, to ensure healthy children.) Be enthusiastic, positive and energetic.

If you don’t have some impressive career, or own a home in a nice part of town, it doesn’t really matter. It’s all in how you phrase it. Asian women want to sense that you’re a guy who has his life in order—that’s the most important thing. Western girls might go for the “bad boy” or the “slacker” who has no direction in life, but turns them on sexually. Asian women think differently.

For example, if you work a crappy job 9-5 for an insurance company, slaving away in a cubicle and counting down the hours until quitting time on Friday, you could phrase it this way: “I work in the insurance industry. It’s challenging and I work a lot of hours, but I’m excited because I’ve been thinking about buying a house…” (Or, “it’s a lot of work, but I want to be help my mother and father now that they’re getting older…”)

Again, it’s about taking negatives, spinning them into positives, and transitioning. With the example I just gave, instead of dwelling on the topic of your boring job, you’re now talking to her about shopping for a house, or the importance of caring for your family. Both are topics that Asian women will respond positively to.

Keep in mind that everything you say is being filtered through her “mental computer.” Are you giving her indications that you’d be fun to hang out with, safe to be around, and might even have the potential to be her boyfriend? If she’s single, she’s looking. Make the right first impression.

Tactical Differences

If you’ve studied “pickup” techniques or seduction programs (such as Mack Tactics), you’ll have to tone down certain aspects with Asian girls. For example, a popular pickup artist technique is the Neg, which means saying something challenging (perhaps even mildly offensive) to let a girl know that you don’t impress her that much.

Such as saying to a short girl, “I bet without those high heels you’re, like, four-foot-nine. You’re kinda cute, though.”

Or saying, “You seem fun, it’s too bad you’re not my type…”

These can be effective (if used correctly) with hot White girls . Asian girls, however, can be confused or offended by these types of statements. Be delicate. I do suggest you use “Push-Pull” with Asian women (making comments that make them want to measure up to your standards), but this should only be done when you see them for the second time, or when you’re flirting with a girl in an attempt to seduce her that night. (More on this in a moment.)

So the first time you approach and talk to an Asian girl, you should be polite, friendly and respectful—but at the same time, you’re “planting seeds” in her mind about your own attractive qualities.

The bottom line is, meeting and forming connections with Asian women is usually easier than trying to make the right impression on Western women. You don’t need to tease them and play mind games. You just need to communicate a few important qualities about yourself and make her feel comfortable with you.

Carry business cards

If you don’t have an official business card from your company, go to a printing shop and have some made that simply have your name, cell phone number and email address on them. Asian women are impressed by business cards. (In Japanese culture, a formal exchange of business cards is a tradition between men.)

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