“Hey, do you have email?”
That’s it. Say those five words. When she says “yes,” tell her to give you her email address because you want to email her later regarding something you talked about during the conversation. (The gift you need to buy, the phone you’re going to shop for, a restaurant or tourist attraction she recommended, etc.)
Say that you’ll email her later about it. This is especially smooth if you’ve got your little pad of paper handy. Give it to her and have her write down her email…and as she does so, say “oh, write down your phone number, too.” She will do so without thinking twice about it.
This Close is extremely effective because of the way that you set it up, and the way you phrase it. You’re asking her does she have email. Of course she does! Everyone has an email address. And we share our email addresses with people freely. It sounds completely harmless. Then, as she writes it down or tells it to you, you casually get her phone number also. She’s already sharing contact information with you, so she might as well give you her number too, right? Very smooth.
I’ll also ask her to write down her name “so that I know how to spell it correctly.” (Hey, Asian names can be tricky to spell, right?) If I didn’t get her name during the conversation, then I’ll get it now—and I’ll tell her mine.
I don’t use a pen and paper in this case, because my iPhone allows me to type in notes. So I’ll type in her email address, then get her phone number and her name. And then I’ll add an extra step: I say to her, “I’ll text you right now so that you have my number.”
Then I send her a text while she’s standing there in front of me. My text says: “It’s Dean, it was very nice to meet you” She saves my number and my name, and now the next time I text her, it won’t be coming from an unknown number. She will immediately remember who I am.
To make myself “extra memorable,” when she saves my phone number I’ll tell her to attach something cute to my name. For example, if I’d asked her for some help with a translation, I’ll tell her to save my name as, “Dean Your Student.” Then, when I text her in the future, I can say things like “Hello teacher” or “Hey it’s your favorite student…” It will make her smile, and it creates the sense that we’ve got a special relationship. I’m not just the guy who walked up to her in the shopping mall and got her phone number; I’m her “student” now. With Filipina girls, I tell them to save my name as “Pogi” (Cute) Dean. This always makes them giggle. Silly, but it works.
Once you’ve done this number exchange, don’t hang around the same area trying to chat up other girls. If she sees you an hour later talking to some other girl, she’ll blow you off when you text her later. And “texting” will be your next step. You’re not going to call her. You’re going to text her, because this is the mode of communication that Asian women are totally comfortable with.
So after getting the number, I’ll chat with the girl for 2 or 3 more minutes and then I’ll politely excuse myself, wish her a great day, and go about my business. Thirty minutes or so later, I’ll text her phone and say: “Hi this is (Pogi Dean, Your Student, etc)…” and then I’ll thank her for helping with me my language lesson, or the gift idea, or with directions…I’ll just reference whatever it was I used as my reason to talk to her.
Normally, the girl will text me back within a few minutes and say “nice to meet you too” (or something to that effect). If she responds this way, then I know that she is interested in me. Even if her text is brief, this is a sign that she is interested. If she doesn’t text back, I know she’s not interested. (And I never let this bruise my ego; she could have a serious boyfriend or husband. It doesn’t matter. I’m meeting new Asian women all the time.)
From this point, if she is interested, then she will probably be the one to text me next. When I’m in the Philippines and I exchange texts with a girl that I met during the daytime, I pretty much know that she’s going to try to have a “text conversation” with me. She’ll start sending messages as soon as she has my number.
She’s going to ask me a bunch of biographical questions…where am I now? Where do I live? How old am I? Do I have a wife? Etc. I’ve been through this routine so many times that I just send them a “general” text that answers every possible question:
“I’m ___ years old and I am single. I will be here for the next two weeks. I’m going to (insert the name of a bar or restaurant) at 8pm, you should come join me and have fun.”
If she tells you that she can’t see you tonight, don’t ask her when she is available. This is needy behaviour, and remember, you’re projecting the image that you’re a busy guy with a lot of fun stuff going on. Just tell her to text you when she is available. Be totally positive and upbeat. If she’s interested in you, she will text you. Probably later tonight, just to “check on you” and ask what you’re up to. (Which is her sneaky way of trying to find out if you’re with another girl.) Just tell her you are having fun, and you’re busy with your friends. You will text her tomorrow.
When Filipino girls want to come meet you, they will often ask if it’s okay for them to “bring their friend.” They will want to bring along their sister/cousin/friend to accompany them on this first meet. Tell her sure, no problem. It’s a social custom with most Asian women especially Filipina women—they usually want to bring their “chaperone” along to the first meet. This means she probably feels a bit shy around foreigners or her ability to carry on a conversation in English. Just put up with it. You’ll only spend a few extra dollars to pay for the extra soda, beer, or meal for her friend (or it might her sister or cousin).
From that point on, if you see her again, there won’t be any need for the chaperone. You’ve gotten that “custom” out of the way. However, if the Asian girl continues to insist on bringing someone else along when you meet up with her, she might just be trying to milk you for free food and drinks. The way I play it, I never allow the girl to bring a chaperone twice. Once is enough.
If she asks me if she can bring a friend again, I text her back and say, “I just want to spend some time with you. You can bring your friend next time.” When I respond this way, I’ve never had a girl insist on bringing her chaperone the second time. They just agree and come meet me solo.
As for how you’re going to handle this first meet (and notice, I’m not referring to it as a “date”), we’ll cover that in an upcoming posts.