Other Challenges, Obstacles & Mistakes Men Make with Asian Girls

Besides the list of common mistakes men make with Asian women in the previous post. There are other challenges, obstacles and more mistakes that men make with Asian girls. To give you an idea on what are these things, read on…

Don’t Get Frustrated If She Plays “Hard To Get.”

So let’s say you meet a cute Asian girl and you get her phone number. You contract her to see her again, but she won’t commit to any plans. She tells you she’s really “busy” this week. Or, she’s impossible to get ahold of.

Which is weird…because she seemed happy to meet you, and was more than willing to give you her phone number. So what’s her deal?

This happens a lot with Asian women. And you must see their behavior for what it is: a test.

She may be wondering if you’re only looking to get laid. If you text her once, and she doesn’t reply, are you going to forget about her and move on to another prospect? A lot of Asian women think that Western guys are only interested in sex, and they want to know if your interest in knowing them is genuine.

Two rules on this:

1. When you text or call her for the first time, don’t try to make plans with her right then. Tell her it was nice to meet her, ask her what she’s up to, wish her a nice day, and leave it at that (for now).

2. If she’s a young Asian woman (under the age of 30), you should text her rather than call. They are more comfortable with this mode of communication. If you call her, there’s a chance you will catch her at a bad time and she won’t be able to talk, or she’s in a noisy environment, etc. By texting her, you give her the chance to reply to you when she is comfortable doing so.

If she’s interested in you, you can expect to receive a text reply very soon. Probably within a couple of minutes. Their phones are always within reach.

Filipina girls are especially fond of texting. You could say they’re obsessed with it. (It’s said that the Philippines is the “text message capital” of the world—billions of messages fly back and forth every day.)

If you’re in the Philippines, once you’ve sent the first text and started the exchange, they will usually use this opportunity to start asking you questions to try to figure out what you’re all about. They’ll want to know things like: how long have you been in the Philippines? Is this your first visit? Where are you staying? Do you have a girlfriend? (Filipinas are not shy about asking this question. They want to know your status!)

To them, the less experienced you seem with the Philippines (and with Filipinas), the better. (Although I can speak a bit of the local language, Tagalog, I don’t use any Tagalog phrases when I’m texting with a girl that I just met! If I do so, she’s going to assume that I learned Tagalog from my Filipina girlfriend or wife, and that’s going to raise her suspicions. Basically, I “play dumb.”)

So, just keep your answers short and come off as a nice, friendly guy who doesn’t seem like he has any agenda. If she starts sending you a bunch of questions, don’t submit to her “interview.” Just tell that you can tell her about yourself when you see her next time, and it was very nice to meet her, and you’ll text her soon.

The next time you contact her is when you’ll make plans with her.

Now, when you text or call her to make plans—whether it’s for the first meet or second meet—always make it sound like you’re already planning to go do something and youre inviting her to accompany you. (Hi this is Dean, how are you? I’m going out tonight to eat some Filipino food and sing some songs…would you like to join me around 9 o’clock?”)

This approach is effective for two reasons. First, there’s no chance of you getting “rejected.” The way you’re framing this, you’re going out tonight to have some fun with or without her. If she can’t make it, then she is missing out—you’re going to have a good time regardless.

Second, you’re laying out a specific plan. This avoids a bunch of silly back-and-forth text messages where you ask her what she’s doing, if she’s busy, if she wants to meet up tonight or tomorrow, where she wants to go, etc.

Get straight to the point. Asian women respond to this.

If she can’t join you for whatever reason, do not ask her when she will be available. She’s not going to give you a straight answer on this. Trust me. She’s testing you right now, and if you try to pressure her to make plans with you, it only makes you look needy. You simply tell her (or text her), “OK, enjoy your night. Text me tomorrow.”

This way, you’re throwing the ball back in her court. Text me tomorrow. It would now be rude for her to not text you tomorrow (and Asian women never want to be rude).

If she is interested in seeing you again, she will. If she doesn’t text you tomorrow, send her one more text the next day, tell you had a great time last night (you ate your favorite dish at the restaurant, sang your favorite song, whatever), and suggest meeting up for coffee, or a drink, later today.

Sometimes I’ll meet an Asian woman who is exceptionally beautiful, and obviously she has guys trying to ask her out on a regular basis. If this is the case, then I’ll take some extra steps to make sure that she feels comfortable meeting me.

One method I’ll use is called a “Time Constraint.”

A Time Constraint means you imply that when you get together with her, you won’t be able to stay long. Say to her, “I’ve got to meet some friends later but we can meet for a cup of coffee…what time can you meet me at ______?” (Name a place that will be easy for her to get to.)

Time Constraints are a clever psychological trick. When a woman is still trying to figure out whether she “likes” you, one of her biggest concerns is that if she goes out with you, you’re going to try to lock her into some really long, awkward, uncomfortable date.

By simply saying that you need to meet some friends later, you ease these concerns. She knows that if she meets you, it’s only going to involve one cup of coffee, or one drink. You’ve got other plans later. So what’s the harm? This “mini date” will give her a chance to make up her mind about you, without committing her entire evening to you.

By the way, Time Constraints are also great to use when you approach a girl for the first time. Picture yourself walking up to a girl in a bar, and using one of these two different approaches:

1 – “Hi, my name is John, what’s your name?” (As soon as you say this, questions are racing through her mind. What does this guy want? Is he hitting on me? Are my friends looking at us? If this guy starts acting lame, how can I get away from him?”)

Or, Approach #2…

2- “Hey, that’s a cool handbag. I can only chat for a minute, my friends are waiting for me, but let me ask you—where’d you get that handbag? I need to buy a birthday gift for my friend Jennifer, and she would love something like that…”

Time Constraints are great. They put the girl’s mind at ease, and they also paint you a busy guy with other stuff to going on in his life. Looking at the bigger picture, this is how Asian women should always perceive you: you’re a dude who has an active, dynamic lifestyle. You’re not going to get “hung up” on one girl, hoping that she will have time for you.

Women are lucky to meet you and become a part of your lifestyle; you’re not going to waste your time playing games or asking women to make plans with you when they are available. You can incorporate this attitude into the way you approach girls, the way you talk to them, and how you date them.

Avoid Sarcasm

As a rule of thumb, avoid using sarcasm when you’re getting to know an Asian woman. Westerners use sarcasm all the time with each other. It’s part of our language and culture. For example, if you’re at a restaurant and the service is awful, and they bring you the wrong food, you might say to your dinner companion, “This place is just wonderful, huh? Great service…” (as you roll your eyes)…

Most Asians aren’t familiar with sarcasm. They don’t read into the “hidden emotions” behind words and take things literally. If you were at that awful restaurant with a Japanese girl, and made that comment, it would probably confuse her: why would you say the place is wonderful, if the service is bad? This can lead to confusion and a breakdown in communication.

If you have a sarcastic sense of humor (as I do), you can try using it subtly and see how she responds. See if she “gets” your humor. If she does, you can use it from time to time. But if she appears confused, rephrase what you said–minus the sarcasm—and refrain from using it in the future.

In general, if you’ve got a strong sense of humor, you’ll probably want to “dial it down” when you are getting to know her. It will make her feel uncomfortable if you’re constantly making jokes and references that confuse her.

Don’t Bitch About Your Problems

In Asian cultures, “real men” handle their own problems and solve challenges without looking to women for support. They don’t complain openly. Westerners, on the other hand, tend to complain to each other and share their problems. It’s a way for us to blow off steam.

Don’t do this when you’re getting to know Asian women. When you complain about your job, your personal life, your problems, etc., it makes you look weak. Instead, you want to project the sense that you’re a strong, capable guy who has his act together. Asian women find this attractive because this type of man makes them feel secure.

Of course, once you’re in a relationship with an Asian woman, she should be there to lend emotional support when you’re going through a tough period. As a Westerner, you can’t always keep your emotions bottled up. But when you’re getting to know her—and she’s trying to figure out what kind of man you are—don’t complain or talk about being stressed-out or depressed. Project the image of a solid, strong, dependable man for whom nothing is a “problem.”

Don’t Play Along With Her Childish “Tests”

You may feel sometimes that your Asian girlfriend is immature and acts childish. She may get upset over things that, to you, are minor and silly.

When these situations come up, the biggest mistake you can make is to try to engage her in a rational discussion and explain to her why she’s being silly. She won’t listen. This type of response is only going to make her more irrational.

The bottom line is, she’s not expressing this problem because she wants to talk about it with you and get your advice. What she is doing is testing you. When your Asian girlfriend acts bratty, or creates a drama over something stupid, she’s looking to see how you will react.

Will you act like a typical Western guy, and try to soothe her and placate her…or take her bait, and engage in an argument that goes in circles? Or, will you fit her image of how a “real man” behaves—and shut down this drama immediately?

There is a world of difference between how modern Western men relate to women, and how Asian men relate to women. I chalk this up to the fact that Western culture (and I’m speaking for America here) has been “feminized” over the past couple of generations. Mothers have far more influence over children than the fathers do. Growing up, kids watch their mothers belittle and henpeck their fathers. They accept this as normal: dad keeps his mouth shut and brings home a paycheck, and mom runs the show.

If you ask me, the reason why the divorce rate in America is so high is because men no longer act like men. They tolerate endless crap from the women they get involved with, but do the women ever feel satisfied, knowing that they always get their way?

No, it’s quite the opposite. The more the man tries to placate her, the less she respects him. Over time, this lack of respect turns into resentment and even hatred. As a woman, she has a core need to feel that she is with a MAN who is capable of keeping her safe and handling problems. Most American men don’t project this. They project weakness and neediness. This is like “kryptonite” to women. It repulses them.

(If you’ve ever wondered why “nice guys” always get screwed over by women, while the macho, arrogant “bad boys” have to beat the girls away with a stick, I’ve just given you the explanation in a nutshell. Women feed off of that “Alpha” masculine energy.)

As I was saying, in the typical American household boys grow up to be men who feel they need to act like women in order to relate to them (and get laid). They suppress their masculinity and try to always act soft, sensitive and sympathetic. They think that in a normal relationship, the man and woman should constantly talk about their problems and lean on each other for support.

Asian men—and I’m particularly thinking of Japanese and Chinese men here—are totally different. They are known for hiding their emotions. In their culture, “real men” don’t complain or cry and are considered to be the stronger gender in every sense. Asian women don’t try to argue this.

I can’t image a Chinese man putting up with his wife constantly needling and henpecking him. He simply would not stand for it. Yet the typical Western guy would be apologizing, coming up with excuses, trying to explain his side of the story, etc.

I see it all the time in the Philippines: Western guys with younger Filipina girlfriends who constantly start arguments, accuse the man of cheating, get jealous for ridiculous reasons, etc. The Western guys are constantly trying to make amends, and this only makes the Filipinas behave worse. Why? Because Filipinas are not used to this type of male behavior. A Filipino man certainly isn’t going to tolerate it. And so, with their Western boyfriend, the Filipina is going to constantly “test” him to see how he reacts. What she wants is for her man to show some backbone and put an end to the argument or problem. Then, she can feel secure because she knows she’s with a MAN.

When women test you this way, and you try to use LOGIC to state your position and show her why she’s being unreasonable, you will never win. A woman’s riled-up emotions will trump your logic any day of the week.

Let’s say you go to a party with your Asian girlfriend. You bump into another Asian woman who is an acquaintance of yours. You spend a few minutes innocently chatting with her. An hour later, when you are driving home with your girlfriend, she is sulking. When you ask her what’s wrong, she makes some angry comment about the girl you were talking to at the party. She asks you, “so did you fuck her?”

Here, a typical Western guy will declare “Absolutely not! She’s just a friend! How can you think that…” blah, blah, and now your girlfriend starts ripping into you about some other girl that you were allegedly looking at when you were with her at the mall the other day…and now the Western guy is furious at being accused of such nonsense, and it erupts into an argument (that he can never win)…

Instead, tell her, “No, she’s a friend.” Leave it at that. Then tell your girlfriend how beautiful she looks tonight in her outfit. Reach over and take her by the hand, and change the subject to how nice she looks when she wears that color, or that dress, etc.

Another example: she tells you that when you weren’t around, some guy was flirting with her, or tried to get her phone number, etc…

The insecure guy will “take the bait” and react with jealousy. The strong guy just smiles and says, “Well, I can’t blame him. You’re a very pretty girl and I’m glad you’re mine.” Then change the subject and move on. You’ve just passed her test with flying colors.

Remember: when Asian women try to engage you in their silly dramas, what they’re trying to do is get an emotional reaction out of you. They’re testing you. If you fail these tests, it will lower her opinion of you and she won’t feel as secure with you. If you pass these tests, she will cling harder to you.

Tags: Mistakes Made with Asian Women, Mistakes Men Make with Asian Girls

Category: Asian Girls