No website on dating Asian women would be complete without some discussion of the prostitution scene over in Asia. It is endless, vast and can truly be a mind-blower for Western guys who have never experienced this world before.
This is because in Asia, the whole concept of “prostitution” can get extremely blurry. In the Western world, it usually means arranging a business transaction with a hooker—whether it’s over the Internet, at a masssage parlor or brothel, or picking up a girl who’s working a street corner. You pay her fee, she gets you off (as quickly as possible), and she proceeds to her next client.
In Asia, it often works a lot differently. There is a massive supply of women who want to spend the night with you (for a small price), but once you are with them, they are hoping to become your girlfriend. And while you are, technically, paying to be with them, you are experiencing a level of intimacy and passion that you may have never felt with “real” girlfriends or wives in your own country!
The main reason I bring this up is that thousands of guys come to Asia every year and fall head over heels for “bargirls”—women who make their living by working in clubs and bars where their sexual services are for rent.
In 99.9% of the cases, the old saying proves true: “you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.”
In other words, these girls are an unbelievable amount of fun when you are having short flings. The problems occur when guys try to turn them into girlfriends.
I could fill a whole other website with the pitiful stories I’ve heard from guys in Thailand and the Philippines who have gotten in too deep with bargirls, and made all of the classic mistakes. With these women, a guy can have the best intentions. He meets a girl in a bar and wants to turn her into an honest woman and give her a lifestyle that is beyond what she could have imagined when she was growing up in her poor village.
But in most cases, this guy will always be a “customer” to her. He will always be, first and foremost, a source of financial support for her and her family. And as soon as he leaves to go back to his own country, she resumes her lifestyle—working at her bar, banging foreigners for money, and looking for the next “thrill” of a customer falling in love with her.
Many guys come to Asia and have no intention of getting involved with bargirls. But they visit the bars for whatever reason (how can a heterosexual guy not be curious?), and suddenly they meet that one incredibly sexy, sweet young woman who they want to “rescue” from the bar lifestyle…and this is often where the trouble starts.
In the bars of Thailand and the Philippines, a customer can pay the “barfine”—which means the girl is relieved of her duties at the bar for the night, and can change into her regular clothes and accompany him. This “barfine” usually costs $30-$50. Small money.
(If you live in America, just imagine being able to walk into the hottest strip club in your area…and taking your favorite stripper home to have sex all night for $30. No strings attached.)
In Asia, usually this means the customer takes the girl out bar-hopping for some drinks, and she winds up spending the night with him at his hotel. In some cases, “love” (or is it “lust?”) blossoms, and the foreigner never wants her to return to her job where she will be barfined by other men—so he offers to send her financial support once he returns back to his country, with the understanding that she will faithfully await his return.
She will not await his return. She will go back to the bar, and she will continue doing what she does.
But I totally understand why men allow themselves to get sucked into this. If you’ve never been with bargirls in Asia, it will be hard for you to understand just how tempting these situations can be—and how grey the area is between “hooker” and “girlfriend.”
Picture this. You’re sitting in a bar and you see an absolutely gorgeous 20-year-old girl dancing onstage in a skimpy bikini. Back in your own country, this type of girl would have millionaires fighting over her. Or, if you were to encounter her in a strip club, you’d be able to pay for her to give you lapdances. (In America, you’re usually paying $20 per song and the only thing you’re getting at the end of the night is blue balls.)
But here in Asia, you can have this super-hot young chick for the night, in your bed all night long for $30-$50. So you see her onstage. You wave to her, call her down from the stage, and have a drink with her. You chat with her. She tells you that she just started working in the bar and doesn’t like her job, but has no choice. She comes from a faraway village and her family is poor. She is paying for her sister to go to college, and helping a family member with their hospital bills. She tells you it’s a hard life but she is only trying to help her loved ones.
After a few rounds of drinks, you pay her barfine and take her back to your hotel—and you experience the most amazing, passionate sex of your life. She doesn’t act like a “hooker” in any way. You make love to each other—over and over again. Afterwards, she curls up in your arms like a kitten. In the morning, when you wake up, she is cleaning your hotel room (or if you are living in Asia, she is cleaning your house).
While the guy is with this bargirl in her country, his money buys her companionship. She will play the role of his dutiful girlfriend—looking after him, never leaving his side, and becoming jealous if he pays attention to other women. For the duration of his stay in her country, he’s having sex with her day and night and it seems like she doesn’t even care about his money. It feels like a real relationship.
Problems set in once these guys return to their home countries and expect to be able to maintain the relationship. They will often send the girl money every month to support her, with the understanding that she will not work in the bar (in other words, sleep with other men) and await his return.
She will gladly accept his money (via Western Union), but very rarely will the girl actually be faithful to him. In fact, she’ll probably go right back to the bar as soon as he leaves. Not because she needs to work there (her foreigner is sending her more than enough money, after all)—but because that is where she has fun.
The notion that these girls are being “forced” to work in the bars is false. Yes, most of them do come from very poor families who rely upon them for money. But for the most part, bargirls enjoy the lifestyle. They come from dirt-poor villages—many without indoor plumbing or electricity. And now they’re dancing onstage with all of their friends, feeling sexy and desired, with an endless procession of foreigners lining up to buy them drinks and pay their barfines and wanting to date them exclusively…
There are thousands of bars in Thailand and the Philippines that specifically cater to foreigners. They range from huge, noisy venues that employ hundreds of women and resemble Las Vegas strip clubs, to small “beer bars” that employ a handful of girls who are casually dressed.
Typically, the customer can pay the “barfine” for a girl that he likes. If the girl agrees to go with him, this means that he pays a small amount of money to the bar ($15-$30 US in Thailand and the Philippines) so that the girl will go off-duty and accompany him for the rest of the evening. It’s assumed that sex will be a part of this deal. The girls range between the ages of 18 and 25. (By the age of 23, bargirls are considered to be “getting old.”)
Ask any expat who’s spent a considerable amount of time in Thailand or the Philippines about his view of bargirl-Westerner relationships, and you’re bound to hear a litany of sad tales (or hilarious tales, depending on how you view it)—mostly about naive shmucks who fell for the wrong woman and wound up heartbroken and financially drained.
The guy was surely warned about getting serious with a bargirl, but he swore up and down that she was “different.” He said she wasn’t like the other girls who were only looking to squeeze money out of foreigners.
Well, at least that’s what he believed at the time. These guys, almost without exception, end up learning the harsh reality.
Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. I’ve known guys who married girls who worked in bars, had kids, and stayed together. But these are usually guys who live in Asia. The chances of you marrying one of these girls, bringing her back to your country, and staying with her are extremely low. In fact, I have never seen it happen.
I have, however, hooked up with a lot of Filipina girls in the U.S. who formerly worked as bargirls in the Philippines, got married to Americans, and then left the guy. In Las Vegas, lots of these girls are working in the strip clubs.
If scoring with large numbers of fast, loose women appeal to you, then the nightlife and the “working girls” of Asia can provide fun and excitement, and they’re great companions for a night of partying. There’s no sensation quite like walking into a rocking bar in Thailand and having 50 beautiful young women smile at you and want to go home with you—for less than what you’d spend on a typical dinner date in the West to not get laid.
And the bars are just one component of this vast industry. Whether you’re in Hong Kong, Indonesia, Vietnam or virtually any other Asian country, you’ll find bars and nightclubs filled with “freelancers.” These young women might be attending college during the day, or working at other “normal” jobs. But at night, they put on their makeup and sexy outfits and go hang out at the popular establishments for foreigners. Going home with one customer will earn them more money than they’d make in week at a regular job. Some of them are hoping to fall in love with a good guy.
This is where it can really become a grey area. Is it “prostitution,” in the Western sense of the word, when you meet a lovely 22-year-old college student in a pub in Jakarta, Indonesia—who is well-dressed, and speaks good English—and after a night of dancing, getting to know her, and ultimately sleeping with her, you give her $50 in the morning to help with her tuition? One can argue that this is no more “wrong” than taking a Western woman out on an expensive date, where you’re basically shelling out money in order to try to get her into bed.
The difference with the Asian “working girl” is that the sex is basically guaranteed, and she’s going to be a lot of fun to hang out with.( And it’s much more cost-effective, to boot.) The most popular “pay-for-sex destinations” for foreigners in Asia are Bangkok and Pattaya (in Thailand), and Manila and Angeles City (in the Philippines). There are endless places to pay for sex in Japan, China, Indonesia, and in every other Asian country, but Thailand and the Philippines cater to most of the foreigners and . (In Japan, many of the bars and clubs that employ “working girls” won’t let foreigners inside!)
Once some men spend a passionate evening with a bargirl from the Philippines or Thailand, their brains get re-programmed. It’s nothing like “prostitution” in the West, where we associate it with a sleazy act—picking up a hardened hooker on a street corner, or visiting a brothel, and the woman just wants you to hurry up and get it over with so that she can collect her money and find her next customer.
With Thai girls—and especially with Filipinas—who work in the bars, it’s often a completely different story. They’re looking for boyfriends. They don’t want to screw you, get their money and leave; they want to make love to you and cuddle. The next day, they’ll tidy up your room and go swimming with you in the hotel pool, or hold your hand when you bring her to the mall…they will behave just like the perfect, loyal Asian girlfriend you’ve dreamt of during those lonely nights back in your own country.
What’s more incredible is the fact that you can be an overweight middle-aged man, who couldn’t get a date with any of hot Asian women in your own country if your life depended on it—but suddenly, this same guy has a sexy 20-year-old babe holding his hand everywhere he goes. She’s actually “showing him off” as if she has Brad Pitt for a boyfriend and wants all the other girls to keep their distance!